Broken
by AggresiveFangirling
Summary: In the spur of the moment, Lily accidentally lashed out at James, with words she almost instantly regretted. This time, however, forgiveness is not so easily obtained and the gossip in Hogwarts increases. Now, Lily wishes things could go back to how they were more than ever but can they?
1. Prologue

"Leave me alone!" Lily Evans was seen storming out of Transfiguration class. If looks could kill, every one of the bystanders would have died instantly, including Gryffindor's heart-throb, who was currently tailing her, looking a little discouraged by the latest of her severe declarations.

"Wait, Evans, I need to ask you somethi-"

Lily whipped around to face him, her face livid with rage. By now, whispers were heard from every side of the hallway, as students gathered in small groups around the pair, and waited in anticipation for her answer.

"Save it, Potter! I don't want anything to do with you! How many times must I tell you?" Fear was building up in James' eyes as she spoke, though she took no notice of it. "You clearly don't understand, so I'll repeat myself. For the last time."

Somewhere from the crowd, Marlene and Remus pushed through, hissing at the eager audience to move out of the way. While their arguments were a spectacle students witnessed almost every day, it was important to break it up, or things could possibly get nasty, for it seemed like Lily was at her wit's end, and James desperate.

"Lily, stop," Marlene said firmly. Advancing forwards, she took hold of her friend's hand in a vain attempt to pull her away, but Lily wouldn't budge.

Remus lightly touched her arm, adding in a quieter tone, "Lily, that's enough.."

But it wasn't. Or at least, not yet. Lily jerked her arm back and turned to James once again. The boy himself looked and felt quite small underneath her piercing gaze, his usual arrogance having dissipated long before. Everyone felt it.

"Every single day, you torment the life out of me, you make everything hell for your own amusement. But I suppose that's what all hardhearted rich boys do, right?"

James flinched, and Lily, so lost in her fury, didn't pause even for a moment to consider how her words were spat out like poison, how his face slowly fell more and more.

"I'm done with it and I'm done with you. So, for both our sakes stay away from me. I despise you."

Things were said every day, things that affected no one, hurt no one and changed nothing. It wasn't different from now, yet the air around them all felt different. And it was. Remus shot a worried glance at James, who stood frozen, for once at a loss for words.

The silence in the usually bustling hallway was almost deafening, and only a small gasp from Marlene, though muffled by her hands, cut through it.

It was that gasp that awoke Lily to what she had said, but it was too late. James only looked at her, his face etched with pain. His eyes alone betrayed his emotions, hurt, sadness.

Lily's own face immediately softened. "I didn't mean-"

James held up his hand, silencing her. "Don't," he said, looking so fierce that Lily took a step back.

This was the first time she had seen him angry, for in front of her, he hardly ever let is his emotions betray him. Now they did.

"You meant every bit of it, don't try to deny it. And if it's what you desire, then your wish is my command." His voice dripped with scorn. "Goodbye."

Before she could say another word, he spun around and walked the other way, ignoring all the whispers that suddenly arose from the others. Remus shot her a disappointed look, before rushing after his friend, muttering bitterly under his breath.

The anger, she was sure, she could bear. But it was the broken eyes that gazed so wistfully at her that ripped Lily's heart in two.

Finally finding her voice, all she could whisper was, "Wait.."

It was too late, however, and regret weighed heavily down on her as he disappeared around the corner.

Marlene glanced at her, quite taken aback by both their outbursts. "Lily, what have you done?"


	2. Soggy Cereal

Uneasiness still hung around Lily later, plaguing her throughout the next day. The news of the fight spread like wildfire, for the students of Hogwarts were always antsy for drama, and James Potter and Lily Evans provided enough to last them a lifetime. Wherever she went, nudging and hissing went with her

"Can you believe she did that?" Were the first words that greeted her when she stepped into the common room in the morning, followed immediately by, "Poor Jamsie, how could he bear the rejection!"

She rolled her eyes. Apparently, his 'fanbase' wasn't taking it too lightly. She took no note of it, however, and headed towards the exit.

"He really was nice to her, and all she repaid him with was by lashing out.."

That made her stop dead in her tracks. The other two voices she hadn't recognized, this one she did. It was Isabel Williams, the girl who had been after James since the beginning of their fourth year. She, unlike the other two, however, was a Ravenclaw. Sitting in the Gryffindor's common room. Being a prefect, Lily thought it her duty to remind Isabel that, but for once choose against it, for fear of stirring more drama.

What she said was true. Glancing back, she saw that all three of their eyes were glued on her, hateful expressions stretched across their faces.

'I probably deserve it,' Lily thought bitterly.

Little did she know, this was just the start.

. . .

"Lily?"

"Hm.."

"Lily."

"Hm.."

"LILY!"

Marlene picked up a newspaper and whacked her friend.

"What!" Lily squawked, shooting up instantly, her bewildered eyes darting wildly across the Great Hall. "Five hairy spiders! Sorry, Professor!"

"I said, _eat_ ," Marlene repeated, her lips twitching. Beside her, Alice burst into a fit of giggles. The three girls sat on the farthest end of the Gryffindors' table, where few were, and the buzz of students talking had lulled Lily into a soft sleep.

She now groaned and laid her head down on the table again, and only a muffled, "I'm not hungry" was the response Marlene got. She frowned.

As Lily shifted to make herself comfortable, she felt someone's hand gently placed on her knee.

"Lils, you barely ate dinner last night. Just have a bit?"

Lily sighed and pushed herself up. Before she had a chance to comprehend what was happening, Marlene had picked up a spoon and shoved the untouched, soggy cereal into Lily's mouth. In a matter of seconds, her friends watched as Lily's face turned first green, then brown, then a mixture of both as she tried vainly to keep her composure.

Marlene and Alice exchanged concerned glances.

"Are you oka-"

"Eugh!" Lily gagged. Snatching the spoon from her traitorous friend, she scraped off remaining pieces of mushy cornflakes from her tongue, which immediately set Alice off again.

"That should teach you to eat quicker," Marlene snickered.

Lily scowled. "I'll get you back for…"

The other two girls frowned a little as Lily's voice trailed off. It took Marlene a few moments to realize she wasn't staring at her, but at the tall doors, through which walked a quartet of laughing boys, amongst which stood James, as bright-eyed and animated as they. It was almost as it the episode of yesterday had never occurred.

As if instantly feeling their eyes on him, James glanced at Lily also. Even though the girls sat at a distance quite far from them, it was plain to see he froze for a moment. But his frown soon broke into a grin again, and he said something to his friends, which set them roaring with laughter.

As they reached our end of the table, they sobered a little bit. Sirius cast a disdainful look at Lily before his gray eyes slid over to Marlene. "Morning, sunshine." He grinned.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "How many times must I tell you not to call me that?"

Their usual morning banter was ignored, of course, though Lily was sure one of these days her tough friend would really show Sirius how wrong he was, and that wouldn't end well. Instead, Remus drew her attention.

Sirius paying no heed to her was acceptable, for he was James' closest friend, but Remus? He was also her friend, both being bookworms and in the same year, they had often studied together. His usual, "Good morning, Lily," and "How are you?" was lost completely, and the realization that he did it intentionally shattered her.

Unlike the other two, however, James neither looked at or acknowledged Lily's presence as the Marauders took their seats a little further down from the girls, Sirius having wisely retreated after receiving Marlene's infamous death glare.

A sigh escaped Lily's lips as she turned her head to face the other way, sure that if she looked at them a little longer, she would break entirely. Attempting to catch Remus' eye only resulted in him staring blankly at her, before turning away once again.

Alice must have caught the half-hearted breath, for she quickly turned to Lily. "What's wrong?"

Lily's eyes widened. "What do you mean?" She forced a smile.

Alice's keen eyes narrowed. "Is it them?"

"Who?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're really bad at this," she informed Lily dryly, though a smile tugged on her lips. Her voice softened, though, and she added, "It's getting crowded here... Come, I'll help you with that Potions test you were stressing about."

. . .

As they headed towards the library, Lily visibly relaxed.

"You know, you were yelling about Shrinking Solution again this morning," Alice smirked. "Professor Slughorn will be quite proud, I'm sure."

Lily glared. "At least I wasn't fawning over _Frank Longbottom_ in my sleep," she shot back, fighting the urge to smile but failing miserably.

Alice's smirk vanished almost instantly as her cheeks colored. "It - it's not like that!" She protested, but it was no use. Laughter soon followed the accusations, echoing merrily through the empty hallways.

. . .

"This. Is. So. Confusing," Alice groaned, causing Lily to shake her head as Alice continued to bang her head against the Potions book. The two were seated at one of the many desks in the library, the former already giving up, and the latter completely entranced by the splendor of the many potions and spells that lay inside her book.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Al, this isn't too hard. Here, I'll explain it."

After many failed attempts to describe the properties of 'Felix Felicis' to her perplexed friend, Lily groaned, too. "Were you paying any attention at all?"

Alice started. "Yes, of course. Felix Fetish has squib balls and.."

Lily facepalmed. "Yes, Alice, it contains _squib balls_."

Alice reddened again. "You know what! I'll let you finish off by yourself, I have.. homework to do." And with that, she promptly made her escape, leaving Lily shaking her head for what seemed like the millionth time.

But now she was alone and poured over the remainder of her seemingly endless pile of books, so absorbed in them that she didn't notice a boy sit down hesitantly opposite her, his chestnut hair disheveled and unkempt, as if he had run his fingers through it quite a few times.

A few minutes passed, and Lily still did not glance up.

Growing a little bit restless, the boy finally cleared his throat, causing her eyes to snap up and meet his. Looking rather bewildered, Lily blinked. Then blinked again. This reaction caused Remus' lips to twitch a little, but he pressed them together.

Lily's face brightened when she realized who it was. 'So, he really did come around..' She thought herself quite ridiculous for assuming his attitude towards her would have changed because of what had happened yesterday.

"Hello, Remus," she greeted and was about to eagerly show him what she had found out about the _Amortentia_ potion when he laid his hand over the book, stopping her.

Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"Lily, uh.." Remus began a little uneasily. "I'm afraid I can't spend too much time with you now.."

The very evident joy drained out of her face almost instantly. "What?" Her voice quietened."Why not?"

Remus avoided looking at her, choosing instead to mess around with the edges of his jumper, for once quite unsure of what to say.

"Why not?" Lily repeated, more firmly.

After what seemed like hours to both of them, Remus finally found his voice again. "Because of what happened, Lily," he said quietly. "You don't realize how much you hurt him." And he didn't realize how much his words stung Lily as much as it would have if he'd slapped her, though she forced any emotions to stay out of her face as he continued, "You may see him laughing, but he isn't. Not really."

"He wouldn't even give me an opportunity to apologize." Lily frowned. "And because of that, it's all over?"

"I'm sorry."

"So just like Sirius, you're going to give me the silent treatment, too, huh?" She laughed bitterly. "And I thought - never mind. Just ... whatever, do what you want."

She quickly gathered up her books and slid them into a bag. "I need to go."

"Lily, I'm-"

"Save it.. It's your choice. Perhaps it's for the better. Goodbye, Remus."

She didn't bother looking at him again, and slinging the bag over her shoulder, walked away, feeling as though everything was slowly crumbling, and she could do absolutely nothing to stop it.


	3. I Don't Care

Two weeks passed, and it was made quite clear to everyone that James Potter was not going to wait around for Lily anymore. Already, he had asked another girl out, and it seemed after years of trying to get his attention, Isabel finally had, and she wasn't about to be done gloating about it too soon.

Of course, people did like her, and it was no wonder they did. The most popular girl in Ravenclaw, one whose eyes would put the azure seas of Hawaii to shame, was bound to get together with Gryffindor's most popular boy. It was destiny! Or at least her friends insisted it was.

James did appear to be happier around her, and Lily couldn't blame him. Though the dazzling smiles he gave her throughout class both turned her stomach and tugged at her heart at the same time.

The difference in everyone else's behavior towards Lily was unmissable, especially when Sirius Black took it upon himself to throw nasty looks at her during school hours or to bump into her while passing through hallways. While there were those who still respected the brainy witch, there were those who freely ridiculed her now that James was out of the way, exercising no restraint whatsoever when it came to tearing her down. It had been rumored that James had shut down people who even thought of asking her out or acting in any way that would offend her. Lily Evans now found that rumor to be true, and though she would not care to admit it, wished that it still was.

"Venomous tentacula eat Chizpurfles, right?" Marlene's voice cut into Lily's thoughts, pulling her back to reality.

"Huh? Oh, yes." Lily looked a little bit out of sorts, her friend noted, but she had been like that for quite some time.

Marlene pursed her lips. "Are they bothering you?" she questioned, her eyes glinting defensively.

"Who?" Now Lily looked even more puzzled than before.

"Those little squirts right there," Marlene pointed at a group of second-years sitting near the Charms section, giggling behind their hands. "Their obnoxious tittering is bothering the _life_ out of me."

Lily only gazed at them with slight wonderment. "Oh, I didn't realize they were there," was her slow response, though it seemed as though she was still too lost in her thoughts to really spend too much reflection on them.

"Shall I go yell at them to get their little arses out of here?" She suggested, feeling quite offended by their behavior.

Lily laughed. "No, Marls, leave them be. I suppose they've also come to the realization that I'm a monster that needs to be observed at all times. Even the library isn't free of our usual.. audience."

Marlene scoffed. "Not yet, it's not."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Have you accepted Black's humble proposal to teach you "How to be Dramatic 101", then?"

Marlene flushed. "Whatever, Evans.."

. . .

"Caput Dragonis."

The Fat Lady swung open for Lily almost as soon as the words left her lips. As the girl walked in, she assumed luck must have been on her side today, for the common room was empty, the only sound being a crackling fire burning inside the fireplace.

A smile tugged on her lips. "Finally.."

But alas, all happiness must end some time or the other.

"Oh, James, stop it!" An overly exaggerated giggle echoed from somewhere in the room.

Lily froze. There, in one the sofa directly in front of the fireplace sat - or rather, lay - James and Isabel, in a position that made her wonder whether she could determine who's limbs were who's, for they were both tangled in each other in a way that made her face involuntarily twist in disgust.

They must have felt someone else's presence in the room, for James turned to look my way, and slowly, a smirk reached his lips.

Looking back at his girlfriend, he whispered, "You're so beautiful.." loud enough to reassure Lily it was meant to be heard by her.

Isabel, though shocked, smiled flirtatiously in return, playfully pressing her lips against his. Lil could have sworn James' smirk widened before he returned it, as hungrily as the other.

A feeling of jealousy crawled up Lily's heart.

 _'He moved on so... quickly?'_

She tried not to feel bitter about it, but it was no use. Their intertwined hands and animated faces cut her as nothing had before, but once again, she was forced to keep her composure.

' _I don't care. He may go out with whomever he fancies.'_

Yet she still had to keep herself from gagging, wondering vainly how long she could contain herself.

"I didn't realize you had permission to step into this common room, Miss Willaims," She began smoothly.

Isabel glanced up, looking as though she had not realized Lily had been there for quite some time. Her eyes narrowed. But she did not answer, only turned to James with a pout.

 _'A pout!'_ Lily mentally shook her head.

"What's your problem, Evans?" He sneered. "Must you ruin everything?"

Lily eyes flashed with anger. "Must you continue sucking each other's faces off where you're not supposed to?"

James' smirk returned. "Why?" He asked, before brushing his lips against Isabel's again. "Does it bother you?"

"Ha!" Lily scoffed. "As if."

"Very convincing."

"I don't care," Lily spit out through gritted teeth.

"You never have." James lazily leaned back on the sofa. "So do us all a favor.. leave."

Lily bit her lip and spun around, heading straight for the Girls Dormitory, fearing that if she stayed any longer, she would break down entirely.

 _'I don't care. I don't care. I_ don't _care... right?'_


	4. A Pleasant Day Gone Wrong

Days passed, then weeks, and the situation concerning Lily Evans did not improve too much. James and Isabel were on top of everyone's gossip list, but that didn't mean she was off the hook yet.

People still held their grudges against her, making her wonder quite often if life after school was as dramatic as the students of Hogwarts made it.

The month's end introduced another thing for the said students to gush over. A New Years Eve party, thrown by none other than Professor Slughorn, for he adored them. Everyone who was in their fourth year or above was attending, and there was lively chatter regarding the matter wherever you went.

Sirius had immediately asked Marlene to the dance, which the girl after some thought agreed, but not without the warning of jinxing him into a worm if he stepped on her feet more than once. Frank Longbottom had finally mustered up the courage to ask Alice, which she graciously accepted, and after a few days of non-stop stressing, even Mary McDonald had a date.

Truthfully, Lily wasn't intending on going at all, not particularly looking forward to being eyed cautiously by everyone for a whole night or sitting alone in a corner with absolutely nothing to do.

"Lils, you have to come!" Alice persisted, a few days before the grand event, eagerly clutching Lily's hands.

"You can't miss this! We hardly have parties, and this is one that will be great! I hear the headmaster is coming, too," Dorcas, their last dormmate added, without pulling her head out of the closet she and Mary were feverishly rummaging through.

Marlene hopped onto the bed next to Lily. "You _won't_ miss this, I'll make sure of that," she said firmly.

Knowing Marlene, Lily dreaded what extents her friend might go to just for the sake of a challenge, for when Marlene made up her mind to do something, it remained made up, and nothing on earth could alter it. She groaned, "I don't like dancing-"

"Yes, you do!" Mary piped in.

"-and it won't be great, not for me."

Alice's lower lip jutted out. "Oh come on, why wouldn't it?" she asked, tilting her head a little.

"For starters, I don't even have anyone to _go_ with," Lily mumbled a little hesitantly.

Marlene looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she grabbed Lily's hand and yanked her off the bed. "I'll dance with you, Lils!" She exclaimed, twirling her around and in turn causing several things to fall to the floor. Lily barely had time to acknowledge what had happened, and also fell down with a thud, erupting instant laughter from the other girls.

"Oops, I was only dipping you!" Marlene gasped, innocently placing her hand on her mouth, though her mischievous eyes shined with mirth and her lips behind the finger twitched violently.

Lily glared, but it was no use. Her own lips broke into a smile, and she found herself joining into the merry laughter. Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad.

 **. . .**

The next day, the girls found themselves in desperate need for a trip to Hogsmeade, much to Lily's exasperation. Her protests and complaints were ignored entirely, of course, and she was dragged out by the others. Quite literally, for Marlene found it necessary to pull her along the sidewalk more than a few times.

As Alice, Mary, and Dorcas looked through a shop for party dresses, Lily, in vain, busied herself in another aisle, beginning to look through some of the plainer dresses and to stop and wonder at how people relished wearing such glittery gowns.

"You're gonna look so good, James will drop and propose to you right then and there."

Lily jumped. Marlene, having bored easily, had taken it upon herself to follow her.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That'll be the day," she muttered.

Marlene walked up from behind her. "What color are you taking?"

The other only shrugged. "I have no sodding idea."

For a moment, Marlene didn't say anything. Then she shoved Lily aside and gazed at them with careful consideration.

"Ack! Yeah, I'm fine, thank you for asking.."

"How about red!"

"No! Not red!" They heard Alice shout from the opposite side of the shop.

Marlene scrunched her eyebrows together. "Uh.. orange?"

"Absolutely not," Mary's voice objected from another corner.

"Oh! I know!" Marlene jumped up and down excitedly, before tearing out a very long, very ugly brown dress. "How about this one-"

Lily cringed.

"Love, why don't you go help Mary out. She's right over there, where the shoes are kept," Dorcas suggested, suddenly emerging from behind them, much to Lily's relief. "I'm sure she'll be delighted."

For someone as receptive and sharp as Marlene, she did not in the least suspect the lies behind Dorcas' proposal and skipped away, nose held high in the air.

Dorcas chuckled. "Her taste is like nothing the world has ever seen."

Lily nodded. "You took the words right out of my mouth.."

 **. . .**

After ten minutes of intense inspection, Lily groaned. "Girls, I have a thought.."

"Don't even-" Marlene shook her head. She had, after yet again being politely rejected, returned to where Lily and Dorcas stood.

"What if I were to.. Maybe, stay back? I have so much work to do. Do I really have to g-"

"Yes," Four voices chorused, emitting another groan from the vexed ginger.

"Ah, Lilykins, quit your whining!" Marlene swung an arm around her. "It'll be-"

"Aha!" Dorcas exclaimed. "Found one!" She held up a delicate, emerald dress which shimmered gently in the dull light of the shop.

"Oooh! This is simply lovely!" Alice ran up from behind them, nodding her head with approval.

Mary squealed. "Just perfect with your eyes too, Lily!"

Marlene nodded earnestly. "I think it's amazing," she agreed slowly, "but the brown one would have looked just as radiant on you!"

A series of groans followed this very heartfelt declaration.

 **. . .**

"You did wonderfully today, I must say." Minerva nodded appreciatively at Lily. "Ten points to Gryffindor. Dismissed."

Lily's face glowed as she exited the Transfiguration class, clutching her books tightly to her chest, as she rethought the lesson McGonagall had taught earlier that day. It had gone by smoothly, much to her delight. So caught up was she in her thoughts, that she quite forgot about where she was going and collided into a wall. Well, what she _thought_ was a wall.

"I'm so sorry!"

Her eyes snapped up.

There in front of her stood a slightly flushed Oliver Brown, a sixth year from Gryffindor, well known amongst the young women and liked by the teachers. Lily recognized him immediately. He offered her a dazzling smile and a hand to help her up, which she tensely took, hoping she didn't appear as disheveled as she felt.

"You - you must be Lily Evans," he began a bit shakily, to which Lily only had enough courage to smother up a nod. "If you haven't been asked already, - I, uh - would like to.. take - uh, well that is, ask - you to the dance?"

If his face wasn't scarlet before, it certainly was now.

If he seemed flustered, she did not wish to know how she appeared. Lily felt as if she had suddenly forgotten the English language altogether. No one had asked her out, but to commit to staying with someone for a whole night was something she believed she could not do.

"I - I'm sorry.. I don't think - I can't."

Oliver's face fell for a moment. "Save a dance from me?" He asked, the knee-weakening smile returning.

"Of course," Lily answered, still more shakily. Oliver grinned.

"Great! See you then, Lily!" And with that, he jogged away, leaving her in almost as much of a mess as she was in when he quite literally bumped into her.

"Oh, Merlin.." she breathed, quite unable to stop gazing at his retreating figure until he faded from sight. "That happened."

 **. . .**

The day was going splendidly, Lily thought. No disturbances, even the glares she received from Isabel's cronies had been tolerable.

She headed towards the spot the to prefects met at for patrols at night before they would both head to bed. That was when she froze. "Remus.."

They had been skipping patrols for a while, at her request, McGonagall had excused her from her duties, but she was expected to return tonight. Generally, the two would have a gay time, discussing their favorite subjects and books, but now? Now, she was uncertain.

It was too late to ask McGonagall for an extension and too late to even consider going back, for there he stood, clear as day. Remus looked and felt as uncomfortable as she did as she hesitantly approached him.

"Good evening.." Lily mumbled, feeling as though running away might have left her feeling a little better.

Remus' face showed no real emotion, save for a little nervousness, which was brushed off effortlessly as he began, "I'm afraid I have to tell you I'm busy tonight. Would you mind covering for me?"

"Huh? Are you seriously bailing on me right now?" Lily crossed her arms. "You're a terrible liar, Remus."

Remus blinked. "Tomorrow, I'm sure the Professor can have someone else join you. Goodnight, Evans."

Lily's jaw almost dropped. "For someone who's so fixed on helping friends in need, you really need to up your game."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, if James is your best mate, might I ask what I am? A next-door neighbor?" Sarcasm dripped off of her tongue like venom, but Remus only frowned.

"What do you want me to tell you, Lily."

"Nothing in particular, just enlighten me on how it's so easy for you to end friendships without giving it a second thought." Lily's voice was laced with bitterness.

"Look, I'm _sorry_ if I didn't give you enough comfort for destroying him."

Lily huffed. "He seems considerably fine to me."

"And suddenly you know everything about someone _you_ never gave a second thought about!"

"This is infuriating. Would you even let me try to fix anything?" She demanded.

"It's too late now, you've damaged enough. If you're as smart as you pretend to be, you should know that by now. _Goodnight._ "

Those were his last words to her as he left, having once again effectively wrecked her positive mood. A dementor might as well have been present during their short feud, for all the spirit seemed to have drained out of the young witch.

Her knees felt weak again, her head hurt. Her life might truly be breaking apart, and there was only so much she could do until it crumbled to dust.


	5. Deafened

"Hold your hippogriffs, it's almost done!" Marlene screeched.

"Can I see now?" Lily groaned for what seemed like the millionth time. She mentally glared at Alice, who was quite helplessly trying to apply lipgloss on her struggling friend.

"It's almost done, just wai- Oi! Don't move, you're ruining it!" Alice slapped her hand away.

"Petition to stop Lily-abuse, anyone?" Lily sighed defeatedly. "Marls, you can let go of my arms now. Hey - why am _I_ getting this special treatment! Do you expect me to bolt off or something?"

From behind her, she heard Mary giggle. "Because it's way more entertaining when we do it to you!"

"Oh, I understand.. Wait, what!"

Marlene snickered. "Merlin's beard.. quit your whining, already."

"I'll probably look like a dementor by the time this ends.." Lily grumbled.

This earned her another slap from Alice.

 **. . .**

"Cover your ears, girls," Marlene warned, as Alice helped Lily get towards the mirror in their dorm room. "This might get... tumultuous."

The other three exchanged hesitant glances.

"You can open your eyes now, Lils!" To which Lily did, a little cautiously.

No answer.

She simply stared at her reflection with something between awe and horror.

Marlene sighed. "Three.. two... one."

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

 **. . .**

"Bloody hell, Lily!" Dorcas shouted. "It's fine.. I don't need my ears anyway.."

"Told you.." Marlene tossed her a weary look.

"If I can't keep in tune with the music tonight, I'll tell Frank who to go after!" Alice moaned, rubbing her own ears in pain, for she had been nearest to Lily.

"What. Have. You. _Done._ To. Me!" Lily screeched, waving her arms about wildly. "I don't recognize me at all!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "I offer you my sincerest apologies, for I didn't realize simply brushing your hair out of your face would make such a grand difference."

Lily glowered at her.

"Relax.. you look beautiful," Mary laughed. And she did, though the light dress clung a little too tightly around her body. Lily's cheeks glowed, her hair cascaded down her shoulders in a river of soft curls, hanging prettily around her waist.

Instead of protesting, she only managed a small smile and a, "Thank you.. All of you. You're positively dazzling."

And they did, in waists of silver, golden and red, feeling and looking as though they had walked straight out of a fairy tale.

Marlene swung an arm around her. "Perhaps you _should_ stay back.. Wouldn't want everyone to drop dead as soon as they laid eyes on you. Though, I'd gladly make an exception for a particular captain. He might deserve it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Easy now, Marls. It's almost as if you're trying to get rid of me... which I do accept!"

"Not a chance, love. Let's go."

 **. . .**

In a few minutes, they were out of the common room and marching down the hallways towards the Great Hall, dresses flapping irritatingly around their ankles, or at least, that's what Lily thought. No one besides themselves was there, for it was past curfew for the younger students, and it appeared everyone else had already left.

"I changed my mind, I don't want to go!" Lily announced suddenly.

Alice, Dorcas, and Mary all groaned in unison. "Lily!"

Marlene only rolled her eyes, "Nonsense, Lily." She turned to the others, "You lot carry on, I'll be right with you." Which they gladly accepted.

"I don't want to go," Lily repeated stubbornly. She might as well have stomped and thrown a tantrum like a toddler, so ruffled did she look.

Marlene sighed. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know… I told you, everything will go _wrong_. I know it." Lily hugged herself. She firmly avoided eye contact with her friend but found that it was no use.

"You're afraid of him, aren't you?" Marlene slipped her hand into Lily's comfortingly. "Look.. forget him, forget everyone else. This is about you. It'll be okay."

After a few moments of hesitation, Lily swallowed.

"We'll raid the kitchens for chocolate pudding later!" Marlene batted her eyelashes.

Lily's lips broke into a grin. "Now that, I'll readily help with. Come, we'll be late."

 **. . .**

As the two stood in front of the tall doors of the Great Halls, Marlene squeezed Lily's hand.

"Ready?"

"Not at all."

"And in we go!"

All of a sudden, all eyes were on them. Lily was convinced that it wasn't Marlene's overly dramatic entrance that provided this unneeded attention.

Her face flushed.

"Would it be a completely insane idea to make a run for it right now?" Lily hissed.

Marlene smirked. "Keep walking, wimp."


	6. No

A warm, pleasant smell lingered in the air of the great hall like many different flowers and spices swirled together into a breathtaking fragrance. Joy was felt by everyone, both students and staff were in high spirits, laughing, dancing, and overall having a wonderful time. All except Lily, of course.

The girls had coincidentally chosen a table not far from where three boys sat snickering and practically inhaling butterbeer. James, the last of the Marauders, was nowhere to be seen. As were the rest of the aforementioned 'girls' so Lily sat there awkwardly, unsure of where to look, and not feeling herself daring enough to keep looking there even if she was.

"How about that dance?"

She whipped her head around. Ah, yes, Oliver Brown had returned, flashy smile and all. He held his hand out to her.

"Right now?" Lily nervously took it and allowed him to help her up. Tilting her head at him, she added, "I suppose I must oblige you then."

Oliver smiled.

Now, Lily Evans wasn't exactly a terrible dancer, but her frequent stumbles and Oliver's inability to catch her in time made the whole process more humorous than it might have been otherwise. With great resolve did Oliver attempt to continue the painful spins, hoping vainly that his toes would still be intact by the end of it.

"I'm - so - sorry," Lily laughed breathlessly. "But I think I've gotten the hang of it!"

"I wouldn't be too sure abo - ouch!" Oliver groaned, though he, too, was smiling furiously.

Both were oblivious to a certain Gryffindor, standing not far from them, his mouth in a tight line as he watched them. True, it was the first time in weeks that Lily had seemed so carefree, and he himself had acquired another - slightly bothersome, it can be admitted - someone, to keep him busy, but James found it almost impossible to see her happy with _him_. Oliver Brown wasn't his favorite person, nor would he ever be. He was popular only for his appearance and manners, manners which James Potter fancied excessive and unnecessary. Seeing _his_ hands holding hers practically boiled James' blood.

And though he wouldn't let himself believe it, he had thought Lily looked perfect when she walked in. Flustered by the attention as Lily Evans might as well have been, but perfect. In his eyes, she still was.

"Jamsie!" Isabel pouted next to him, tugging impatiently at his sleeve. "Come on!"

Slightly bothersome someone had also returned, apparently. He didn't bother holding back a frown as he turned to her.

…

Lily went to sit down again shortly afterward, slightly out of breath as she fell back into her chair.

Isabel hadn't been too pleased to have her boyfriend staring at the ginger the whole night long, which again, James would never admit, and finally seeing her alone sent a thrill down her spine. She ordered James to go get them drinks then proceeded to stride across the Great Hall to Lily, followed closely by her two friends. Cornered.

Sirius suddenly stopped laughing and nudged Remus, "Look." And he did look. Quite frankly, that's all they did. They only watched as the scene rolled out in front of them, neither of them making any actions to stop the Ravenclaws as their insults began pouring out.

But underneath the table, Remus clenched his fists together, straining to listen to their conversation.

"Do you really think James needs someone like yourself? A worthless slag?" Isabel's haughty voice demanded. Remus' face hardened visibly. Lily was unquestionably neither of those, and he struggled to keep his composure.

"I never said he needed me," She answered through gritted teeth.

Isabel snorted. "Then this wild goose chase was really unnecessary, no? He really didn't deserve it."

By now, Sirius, too, found it difficult to stay quiet. He tried to swallow the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. Guilt tugged at his heart, for Lily's face, though considerably calm, betrayed her discomfort.

"I'm aware he didn't," Lily's voice had slowed into a half whisper. "He ... he doesn't."

Marlene, noticing the commotion from across the hall, frowned.

"You know," Isabel began again, carefully twirling her hair. "Everyone knows that beneath your whole… smart arse act, you're nothing. I mean, look at you."

Lily avoided her gaze entirely. Her hands were turning white beneath her own tight grip. Something about what Isabel said reignited a fear she'd had for years. Petunia would often express similar feelings to her, remind her of how utterly worthless she was. Her sister, the person she once treasured most, turned on her. It seemed everyone else was too, she thought bitterly.

"Oh, so you know that," Isabel smirked. "I wonder how long it will be until you have nowhere else to run to."

Remus bit his tongue. He understood what Isabel meant. He might as well have already known what was going through Lily's head, for she had told him before.

"Did you really think you belonged here, mudblood?"

Remus and Sirius both shot up, enraged. Marlene, too, had reached them all, just in time for them to but just hear the word Lily muttered.

"No."

...

Lily felt the strength drain out of her, could almost physically feel her chest hurt inside. A stream of curses barely left Marlene's mouth when she saw her friend simply get up and say to no one in particular, "I'm sorry."

Her voice broke slightly. Remus immediately regretted not stepping in earlier, Sirius forgot his pride entirely. Without a glance at any of them, Lily turned and made for the exit.

"You _pricks_." Marlene snarled.

* * *

 _Lil explanation:  
_ _I'm honestly surprised I didn't die from cringing while re-reading this. Oh god. Anyway, this is an edited version so no one else has to endure all.. that. Tell me if you're still breathing, eh?_


End file.
